The Difference Between You and Me

Do we notice the difference between our self and others more as we grow older? If so, is it because we come to know ourselves better or others less well? Maybe we are just less curious and through knowing less, find less common ground with others.

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Recently, a family crisis arose. My 5 year old nephew and godson was diagnosed with leukemia. Our family’s physical and mental health has been largely unblemished so we are treading new ground. We will learn a lot about ourselves and each other over the next few years, but my observations today are much less deep. I am sure you will hear me speak of the life and death thoughts provoked by recent events, but not today. That is a subject better explored while not on an airplane.

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I returned this week from Dallas, where I helped take care of my nieces during my sister and brother-in-laws round-the-clock hospital stays. I have lived in the bay area for over 5 years now, but I am finding the differences between people here and there more stark these days. Now, I’m not even talking about subtle differences. I can definitely say that 2 things struck me more than usual this time: physical appearance and religiosity.

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When I got off the plane in oakland I was struck by how natural people looked compared to the big D. I myself wear less makeup than at any age since 15. and the attire is much more casual. I don’t want this observation to equate to a value judgement, but I must admit I am glad to save the time and money it takes to maintain ones face and hair to the degree that is standard in Dallas.

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The next and more complicated and interesting difference is that of religion. I am quite sure this facet was magnified because my sister and her family are facing a difficult road ahead and religion often plays a big role in these struggles, but it does go far beyond that. And let me qualify all this and say these are wonderful, supportive folks that I am glad my sister has in her life. The church and God is the commonality they found to comfort each other. There was scarcely a single conversation I heard among friends that didn’t mention drawing on the strength of The Lord. It’s not a language I speak and cannot imagine a single close friend of mine speaking. OK – not even close friends. I don’t know anyone who talks like that. How much is geography and how much is personal preference?

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I know the 2 worlds exist to some degree in both places, but evangelicalism is as pervasive there as agnosticism is here and at critical moments in life, that really changes the game. Much has been said about self segregation and the demographic changes that geographic mobility has introduced. Is it possible that I have seen it increase in just 5 years? What will this country look like in 5, 10 or 20 years?