and now for the next act...

ay, there's the rub. today i was talking with a dear friend about recent, life-changing events in my life and i realized i'm in much the same place i was when i moved to CA nearly 7 years ago. since moving here i have always felt like i was in a state of transition. i've felt uncertain of my future, like i would soon find something, figure something out. oh man, was i wrong! i'm only left with more questions.

i've learned tons, yes. but in so many ways i still feel like that girl who in 1986 had too many gin and tonics at fast-n-cool in lubbock and went into the alley to get her head together. i remember it so starkly. and i still have moments that feel exactly the same. moments where with clarity i look at me, the people i know, and consider the "me" they know and wonder "is THIS is reality? is THIS what it is all about?" because reality is VERY subjective. yes, that is one of those things i've learned :).

and then i think about all my much-loved quotes about "the journey" like my previously noted Matusuo Basho quote "every day is a journey, and the journey itself is home". god forbid the journey is ended now, yeah?! but do most people have a better idea of what their journey will be like at this point in their life? probably. all i can do is embrace and feel excited by the fact that i have hardly no idea of what the next 40 years will bring. i suppose it this will be clear at the "true" end of the journey but as of yet i'm in no rush to get there. another good sign.

and that is quite enough philosophy for a sunday evening. tomorrow is monday and the journey continues.