sucky day

despite the fact that it was my Girl Start day and that usually leaves me happy, it pretty much sucked. i was almost convinced i'd put my (last) disastrously failed relationship behind me, but today it snuck in and left my heart in my throat. literally and VERY unexpectedly. well at least it felt that way tho i'm sure a dr. wouldn't have found my heart there. and it just made me sad. this person turned out to be a terrible person, turned out to be selfish beyond belief and i didn't see it. how did that happen? if i've wanted to be anything, it's to be rational and smart. these are important qualities to me. so to fail completely at that has left me shaken. i've tried to console myself and say he just lied (VERY well - i mean he'd win the Lying Olympics). but gawd, i should have known. i mean, i look back and KNOW that. it doesn't change the fact that i daydream about grabbing his hair and pulling his head down as my knee smashes into his nose. yeah, that image comes to me frequently. so i just had to get that off my chest. you see, if the anger subsides i'm left with the shit. please, let the anger come back.